So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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