how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
