I accidentally had phone sex last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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