you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
