census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
