You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
