Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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