Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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