it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
