Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
