why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
