just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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