I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
