I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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