He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
