used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
