i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
