Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
