One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
