I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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