I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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