I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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