so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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