the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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