Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
