real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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