Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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