so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
