Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
