Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
