He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
