My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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