she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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