Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
