I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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