Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
