Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
