My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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