By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
