i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
