Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
