so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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