i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
