Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
