I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
