My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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