I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
