we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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