how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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