They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
