***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
worst night to have a conscience
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
