Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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