he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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